I can feel the gun’s bang signal off the worst. That another life isn’t spared. I can feel the weight of the dead, mentally and physically, it weighs on me makes me do unthinkable things, unspeakable things. Her lifeless body sagging to the ground in a pile of unmoving mass, it’s painful and irreversible. I can’t remember when I’ve ever felt like this, but that’s a lie, I feel it every time a gun goes off, I feel it in the tremors of the explosions the painstaking screams that claw the walls of my nightmares. I remember the lips she used to kiss me with, the rose buds, soft and strong against mine, I never thought about it when I had her because she was always there. She never left me, she never let go of my hand. And now in the wake of a fired gun, she is gone and those lips will never feel the joy I felt when she kissed me when she was alive and laughing, I never knew until she was gone, just how much I would miss her. Just how much she really meant to me. She sits hunched over with her never opening green eyes that were always trained on me, reading my expressions. I loved her, my lover, my life, gone in a matter of seconds. In a bang of confusion. I scream and gather her corps in my arms, blood seeping through my fingers, inescapable sobs stuck in my throat as she slips away into a light that I will never see for a long time. Until the fateful day I do die. In those seconds of agony and pain, making a fire burn deep inside me, an unseen fire of hate. A gem, glistening and shimmering black and unholy. I vowed to never love a woman ever again.