So many people tell me that I’m crazy, I’m so sick of it. I am done with people yelling and screaming. Curses are at the top of my list, I hear them all the time I’m so sick of people judging and calling other people out on things. I have been called out, or judged for something I haven’t done. So today I am declaring that I am emancipated from all of that. Today I declare that you are no longer able to judge me, in anyway, shape or form. My name is Morgan Fae, and this is my story. After you finish reading, think about this. What would you do in my situation?
From what I can tell the morning was still the morning. The sunshine filled the small room I was vacating, the ugly hotel curtains parted fully so that every last nook and cranny was filled with the baby sun. I looked around. My bag leaned against the wall over flowing with my clothing and essentials, the beige colored walls stared lifelessly at me and I stared back fully aware that I needed to change my look again. I grabbed my bag dragging out the dye, makeup, fake moles, contacts, fake freckles and other things out of a small bag wrapped in plastic. Leaning against the sink I pinched out the color contacts that left my eyes looking like their normal green with red-rimmed whites. The mirror stared back at me- well the me in the mirror looked back at me- I couldn’t remember what I looked like before I ran away. I remember my eyes and skin color, but my body shape, hair, birthmarks and other things; I could not. My name was Morgan Fae, but it could be anything now. Right now I was Katniss Gentry. I had been Ever Moisse, Alyson Noel, Mirissa Laurence. I was the girl who was a run-away, labeled as a freak, a mishap, I wasn’t supposed to live theses past months because I had gotten good at hiding my true identity. I was a lone wolf, and I was never going back.
I scrubbed away the make up on my face ignoring the stinging of a minor cut on my left cheek. I let the water wash away all the past night. I looked at the shower; wanting to feel the hot water on my skin, too ease the months away. I looked around and peeked under the sink, Bleach sat there. I smiled. Hotels were so stupid, but hey! The stupid are meant to be taken advantage of. Otherwise, why else were they here? I cranked the tap and let the hot water steam into the glass-covered shower. I yanked the long brown wig off my head and threw it to the floor; it landed with a thud on a huge flower tile. My own short pixie cut hair flopped out, the blonde color shocking the boring colors all around me. I looked like me. I wasn’t bad looking; I had straight teeth and full lips. I was always the popular girl in my old school (not listed for fear of being ratted by one of you readers) always talked about, always envied. But that was before, and this is now. Stepping out of my clothes I stepped into the shower. Letting all the passed weeks slowly dissolve into a steam of memories and bad ideas, all the hard dirt and grime being washed away as well.
After my well-deserved shower I stood wrapped in a towel with my new wig on a mannequin head and scissors bared between my fingers scrutinizing how I should cut it. I settled on a cute choppy cut with bangs and layers. All in all it was a good haircut, I looked cute with bangs; that’s something to remember. As for my clothing I decided on a skirt with a tee shirt that hung low almost to the end of my plaid skirt, and cute ballet flats. Looked in the mirror. My face looked plain. I placed a spray of fake freckles over my nose and put in two bright green/gold eye contacts.
Saturday, May 21, 2011
Friday, May 6, 2011
first time
A hill.
A hill is just a hill until you really look at it.
A hill is just a hill until you find all the little cracks and trash that have been smothered into the asphalt.
A doll is just a doll until you uncover the worn places where people touched the paint away.
If you look into a light you won't see anything untill you close your eyes.
Mascara is running down some starnger's cheeks still you never ask if their ok.
A girl is just a girl until you fianlly find her in a corner and look over the scrapes and bruises, and into her heart.
A boy is just a boy until you find him in a feild and dissmiss all of his wrong doings and really see them for the first time.
A hill is just a hill until you really look at it.
A hill is just a hill until you find all the little cracks and trash that have been smothered into the asphalt.
A doll is just a doll until you uncover the worn places where people touched the paint away.
If you look into a light you won't see anything untill you close your eyes.
Mascara is running down some starnger's cheeks still you never ask if their ok.
A girl is just a girl until you fianlly find her in a corner and look over the scrapes and bruises, and into her heart.
A boy is just a boy until you find him in a feild and dissmiss all of his wrong doings and really see them for the first time.
Rumors
A covered up, sick, and truely ugly girl.
I pelt myself with rain from the untrue roumers.I self disapline and try to mold myself into a beautiful person.
Pain just passes through like I'm a ghost in the halls.
A shot here and there does not penatrate through my skin.
A tight drawn string on a bag that never will open.
A recoiled statue of a snake.
Im a retired old soul.
Me
This skin I'm in doesn't feel right.
I hate it.
My body is simple but has no filter in the brain.
I wish that some one would just take me away.
As the night dances slowly in place, the world around me never stays.
I'm yanked in and out of my place and never put back.
I'm used, abused, and thrown around.
I hate my body it's always violated, never kept sacred.
I miss the old days when I never had to see your face in my dreams.
I miss all the old people I used to see.
Now I'm in a nightmare that never ends.
I hate it.
My body is simple but has no filter in the brain.
I wish that some one would just take me away.
As the night dances slowly in place, the world around me never stays.
I'm yanked in and out of my place and never put back.
I'm used, abused, and thrown around.
I hate my body it's always violated, never kept sacred.
I miss the old days when I never had to see your face in my dreams.
I miss all the old people I used to see.
Now I'm in a nightmare that never ends.
Puppet Girl
Strings twisted,
bleeding wood.
Just puppet in there play.
I can’t come to life.
Broken down.
They’ve worn me away.
Day after day.
I feel nothing.
Without a voice,
without a choice.
I wait for the next scene.
For the start of there next play,
staring anyone but me.
bleeding wood.
Just puppet in there play.
I can’t come to life.
Broken down.
They’ve worn me away.
Day after day.
I feel nothing.
Without a voice,
without a choice.
I wait for the next scene.
For the start of there next play,
staring anyone but me.
Memory
Maybe I was a little too mean, maybe I could have related to him. None of that mattered anymore anyway, the car was puttering in the drive-way and I was ready to leave. I checked the house once more, making sure I had packed everything. Plastic covers wrapped around the couch, a table, and the bed up stairs. Funny how you start at one place, make a bunch of memories and then leave them all behind in some sort of renovation. My fingers brushed against the wall, over the hand print in purple paint. The place where his hand fit so well, mine did not however, it was smaller then his had been, my fingers were dwarfed by the print. I remembered this night, a smile played along my lips as the scene played out in my mind.
"Sarah! Get down here!" a deep rumble of laughter shivered through the house. I was locked in my room, curled up into the corner of my bed reading, The Shining. I had jumped at the sound of the laughter thinking it was the book and relaxed when I recognized who was laughing.
"On my way!" I called, my feet touched the ground, it was cold and I flinched. "Jerith!" I had called, I heard your heavy boots on the stairs. Your sandy head flopped in the doorway and your smile spread over your lips, white teeth gleaming.
"Floor too cold?" I nodded and you laughed, it vibrated in my head and you swung around so your back was to me. "Hop on," you laughed as I jumped on your back, and slipped my arms around your neck. You were warm and solid under me. We plotted down the stairs and I squealed with happy laughter as you jumped down them two by two, we were planning on painting the hall with my dad and uncle but you were too distracted. By me? You never did tell me. The sun was dipping down in the horizon, dad and uncle were out out on the wrap around porch drinking a beer. You set me down, toes first then the balls of my feet and finally my heels. We talked cheerily as the sun sank into his bed, waiting those last few minutes to let his sister moon polish her shine. Your eyes flicked over my tangle of golden curls and sea foam eyes, taking a soft finger and lifting a curl from my cheek you cupped my chin and looked at me. I blushed as I watched your eyes, clouds of silvery greys and flecks of blue. Those were eyes a girl could drown in and be lost forever, and I was being pulled in hard.
"Ivy," you had whispered, a shiver had traveled through my body and left a tingling sensation in the tips of my fingers. I looked down, looking anywhere but your eyes because it seemed too irresistible and if I ruined it that it would be lost and never again found. Lost at the bottom of the ocean. "Ivy, look at me," you had whispered, peppermint breath touching my lips and warming my cheeks, I listened and you smiled faintly and leaned a hand on the wall tilting your head at just the right angle to catch my lips with yours. The kiss was long and gentle, not pressing and full of drunken stupidity like all my other kisses. This one felt right.
The light had faded away and all that stood now were two teens who had pulled away from one another, cheeks flushed and soft panting. You looked up where your hand was just a moment before and started laughing. I was confused and turned standing next to you and started laughing too, you must have gotten paint on your hand because on the white wall was your purple hand, fit perfectly from every gently sloping curve to the long life line on your palm.
Back in the present I traced the life line. Funny how life lets you down, glancing at my hand I traced the short life line and tears filled my eyes. Wishing for just that moment I could hold you again, that I could bear the pain of your death. But the truth was I couldn't and you were gone, everything hurt every last hole in my heart and emptiness in my stomach. Gone like a butterfly, here one moment and gone the next. I leaned my head onto the print and gave myself to the tears, letting them wash away the stinging in my eyes from holding them back for so long.
"Sarah! Get down here!" a deep rumble of laughter shivered through the house. I was locked in my room, curled up into the corner of my bed reading, The Shining. I had jumped at the sound of the laughter thinking it was the book and relaxed when I recognized who was laughing.
"On my way!" I called, my feet touched the ground, it was cold and I flinched. "Jerith!" I had called, I heard your heavy boots on the stairs. Your sandy head flopped in the doorway and your smile spread over your lips, white teeth gleaming.
"Floor too cold?" I nodded and you laughed, it vibrated in my head and you swung around so your back was to me. "Hop on," you laughed as I jumped on your back, and slipped my arms around your neck. You were warm and solid under me. We plotted down the stairs and I squealed with happy laughter as you jumped down them two by two, we were planning on painting the hall with my dad and uncle but you were too distracted. By me? You never did tell me. The sun was dipping down in the horizon, dad and uncle were out out on the wrap around porch drinking a beer. You set me down, toes first then the balls of my feet and finally my heels. We talked cheerily as the sun sank into his bed, waiting those last few minutes to let his sister moon polish her shine. Your eyes flicked over my tangle of golden curls and sea foam eyes, taking a soft finger and lifting a curl from my cheek you cupped my chin and looked at me. I blushed as I watched your eyes, clouds of silvery greys and flecks of blue. Those were eyes a girl could drown in and be lost forever, and I was being pulled in hard.
"Ivy," you had whispered, a shiver had traveled through my body and left a tingling sensation in the tips of my fingers. I looked down, looking anywhere but your eyes because it seemed too irresistible and if I ruined it that it would be lost and never again found. Lost at the bottom of the ocean. "Ivy, look at me," you had whispered, peppermint breath touching my lips and warming my cheeks, I listened and you smiled faintly and leaned a hand on the wall tilting your head at just the right angle to catch my lips with yours. The kiss was long and gentle, not pressing and full of drunken stupidity like all my other kisses. This one felt right.
The light had faded away and all that stood now were two teens who had pulled away from one another, cheeks flushed and soft panting. You looked up where your hand was just a moment before and started laughing. I was confused and turned standing next to you and started laughing too, you must have gotten paint on your hand because on the white wall was your purple hand, fit perfectly from every gently sloping curve to the long life line on your palm.
Back in the present I traced the life line. Funny how life lets you down, glancing at my hand I traced the short life line and tears filled my eyes. Wishing for just that moment I could hold you again, that I could bear the pain of your death. But the truth was I couldn't and you were gone, everything hurt every last hole in my heart and emptiness in my stomach. Gone like a butterfly, here one moment and gone the next. I leaned my head onto the print and gave myself to the tears, letting them wash away the stinging in my eyes from holding them back for so long.
Thursday, May 5, 2011
In the Depths
In the depths of my mind, you are there; lurking never coming into the light. I see that you circle me like a hawk circles its prey. Your the space in my mind, the ugly truth waiting to be revealed. I recap the lid on your box, over, and over, repeating the same routine every time, but the sad thing is you never leave. I know that I used to believe in true love and that never came, so every time I hear the word love fly from your poisonous lips I run and hide away, deep in the blackness of my room. Sometimes I think that you will come to drag me out and whip me with your horrible words, but I forgot that you are gone and shall never haunt my dreams again.
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